Unwritten

In the last post I made on here, I wrote about the road that we travel throughout the entirety of our lives. For some it’s a triumphant journey. For others, a haunted memory.

In addition to these musings that I’ve had of late, my mind has often been going back over the traveled road and saw the past for what it was...past, behind me, spent. All too often I’m reminded of the manner in which our past shapes the person that we become.

For some of us, our past is something that we’d like to forget…for others it may be something that we regret not doing more with. Still for some, the past is a bitter reminder of all the wrong or difficult turns made that could have been corrected if only we’d had the foresight to see the rough road up ahead.

There’s another aspect that’s important to consider when contemplating the precedent life that we were once a part of, and that is the fact that some of our past takes place regardless of the choices that we make. Life has a way of thrusting circumstances on us that are out of our control and for some, these circumstances can leave us devastated…yet others can walk away with a newfound sense of resolve in our step.

When I got hung up on the previous choices that were outlined in my past, I kept coming back to foolish circumstances that were of my own making. There was the relationship I had a with a friend that went terribly wrong…wrong to the point that we both walked away from the friendship creating irreparable damage in the process. Then there was a pivotal and devastating choice that I made in my late adolescence that haunted me for years. It seemed no matter where I turned, I couldn’t escape the acidic erosion my thoughts and self-blame were doing to my soul.

My guilt was like I was carrying around an oversized backpack in which I placed a new rock everyday. The bag kept getting heavier and heavier with each new rock, yet I still struggled day after day on my own, thoroughly convinced that I was the only person that knew how to handle a burden like this one. No matter how hard I tried to forget it was there, the weight was a constant reminder. It didn’t matter that I had many wonderful moments and joyful occasions throughout my life, I kept fixating on the few things done where I had messed up.

So let me then ask, why is it so hard to forget the wrong we’ve done, while all the good is so easily a fleeing thought? My childhood was a happy one and I came from a great family, yet there was draw to being held captive by guilt that made me discount all the positive.

After pondering this for several years I’ve reached somewhat of an intelligible conclusion. That being it is so hard for people to be forgiving…of others and especially of themselves. When I think about the work that God has done in my life, I’m constantly humbled and struck with awe at the old past burdens we cling to which He never faltered from forgiving. Even more important, I realized after several years of carrying my bag of guilt around, that I was inadequate to serve the God of forgiveness when I had failed miserably at forgiving myself.

After I received this revelation, I began to make daily attempts to forgive those that had wronged me…and to forgive myself.

Little by little, the rocks began dropping out of my guiltpack one by one…until finally one day I noticed the metaphorical spring in my step that happens when we finally relinquish to the Almighty and let Him take over our lives. After all, He's never let our wrongdoings get in the way of His love for us (in fact He doesn't even remember them once confessed), so why should we let ourselves get hung up on the guilt we've created?

A graduate professor of mine once explained that our lives are like a notebook full of paper. The first half of the pages have writing all through it while the second half is blank. The first half of the book is our written past and there’s nothing that we can do to change it. The second half however is the future that we face…and this is something that we most definitely can change so we might as well quit whining about the writing that’s been done so we can focus on what’s left to write.

Life still has its struggles but that’s just to be expected now. Now there are minimal rocks for me to carry around and when I find that I happen to have a few in my proverbial pockets, I chuck those babies out as soon as I can!

I strive to remind others to never be paralyzed by the written pages of our past…instead consider what amazing accomplishments can be achieved with your blank pages and let the Healer guide you.