If you’re like any normal individual you might have found yourself at one time or another feeling rather forlorn...isolated...possibly even lonely. So many people seem to think that they’re inflicted with a disease when these feelings of aloneness come upon them. The first reaction for most is to let the world know that we need entertained and this is usually done through the idle text messages sent out, the random walk or drive to a location that we know friends will be, or even the occasional outreach on Facebook accomplished through the obnoxious “I’m bored, text me” posts.
I’ve studied on this quirk of humanity (as I tend to do with all human behaviors), and reached several conclusions about why some people just can’t seem to stand being alone. Let me also clarify the term ‘being alone’ as a feeling that we sometimes experience—it’s not necessarily indicative of being in a secluded place away from other forms of life (people).
The first notion that came to my mind concerning this lack of solitude is that we’re uncomfortable when we find ourselves alone. Behavioral research has shown that change occurs when we’re most uncomfortable, therefore when one notices the unsettling feelings of loneliness, some might immediately seek out a reason to terminate these feelings (hence the texting, facebook etc). Another thought about this reasoning (which ultimately goes back to being uncomfortable) might be that some of us just don’t know ourselves well enough to dwell with just us and our thoughts. Or we might not recognize the importance of being alone with just ourselves, therefore some might instantly flick on the television or ipod to drown out the solitude.
Those that have a restless spirit (myself included) find it difficult to settle down and just be. I often wonder why it is that some seem to find solace only other people? What is so difficult about finding a comfortable balance of solitude in ourselves?
After contemplating on this for quite some time, I decided it was time to start getting to know myself apart from all the rest (other people and distractions), and it has become something I’ve been working at constantly. It’s not easy at first, but then again every relationship takes work including the one you have with yourself. I started out just sitting at my kitchen table staring outside and letting my mind wander...contemplating life, happiness, feelings and daydreaming about what those elements brought to oneself.
You might not be too surprised to find out that when true solitude takes place, you start to notice someone else other than yourself…Him.
He showed up.
Or at least I finally noticed Him.
He’d been there all along, just waiting for me to slow it down and get away from all the distractions life was causing.
When I distinguished His presence apart from myself, solitude became so much more.
It actually became rather…full.
Now I recognize Him everywhere. In the crisp early spring morning as my Asics pound the pavement for several miles. In the damp October evenings when I step outside on my porch just to inhale the night air. In the face of a young child innocently experiencing life’s joys for the first time.
We don’t always talk…Him and I.
Sometimes I talk to Him, and other times I just acknowledge Him and recognize His presence.
I’ve come to realize throughout this process of self-discovery that it’s okay to be lonely. That’s when the prime opportunity for noticing Him might appear. So the next time you ‘feel’ you’re being slain with boredom or loneliness, try something new. Instead of tapping out an idle text, jumping on Facebook to click around, or cranking up the music or television, try to work on your relationship with yourself.
Take notice of the thoughts that pass through your mind. Focus on one train and let it take you other places.
Then…think-or rather- dwell on that place in your mind.
You might be surprised at what…or Whom…might be there waiting.
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-..."Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." -1 Kings 9:11b-12
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